The Unplanned love

Story of Ross and Rachel

I’m a huge fan of friends. I have watched the series so many times that I remember every dialog they say.

Coming back to the story, the one character that I can relate to in the entire series is Ross. Why?

It’s because my life is kind of like the way Ross’s life goes on. Yes, I didn't marry my college sweetheart but I did go through a divorce, which has always been hard on me. I still consider my ex-boyfriend as my good friend and share a sane connection with him.

But, the biggest connection that I ever have with the character Ross is that I’m a planner. And I didn’t realize this until one day my sister pointed it out to me.

I plan, I plan so much into the future. I actually feel stupid about it sometimes, but that is just a human trait. And my Rachel?

Is my current boyfriend Eddie.

Days ago I wrote an article “It’s not even 30 days, and I want to dump him”. Link below. Where I spoke about a guy who I met on a dating app. And how little things he did that made me happy as well as get irritated over him.

But I couldn’t dump him. The reason is, he actually likes me. And my problem is that I live in the future but he lives in the present.

Yes, this is the exact way I live. I plan, plan and just plan. And build up my disappointment. But he hates planning just like Rachel.

Even though Rachel and Ross were together and had a history of dating and broke up and then patched up and again broke up. He fell in love with someone else and married her, even though his heart was filled with Rachel’s name. Later with a divorce and an unplanned baby and again drifting apart Rachel and Ross did find each other because they had that unbreakable bond. He might be a planner but he loved her for sure, with all his heart.

I’m not telling you that I’m in love with him after 53 days of dating him. But I’m kind of falling for him. The reason is not sex or because he is a rich kid.

The reason is he makes me smile. He makes me happy, he says a few things someone in my past used to tell me. No no, not connecting him to my ex.

I’m a big mouth, I can talk like there is no tomorrow. But for him to open up to me is a huge task. Sex is common but no one guy I have met in my life has told me that, “It’s not the action, but hold hands in a romantic place matters”.

I like making conversations and knowing about people, there are still so many things that I don’t know about him. My brain is so bloody curious to know all that, but there is always a time for it.

This is very scary for me. Dating an asshole is easy, dating an egoistic is like killing the soul in him, dating a nerd is cute, dating a f*ckboy is fun. But dating someone who is trying to emotionally connect with you is the scariest thing for me. Because I can be titled as the “world's most clingest person”, when I connect to them emotionally it is not that easy of a task for me to let go of them. And that is what is scaring me.

With all my period mood swings, I was in drowning myself in a pool of tears a day ago. Later called my ex to shout at him, because who better to get shouted at than the one you know will hear every word you say and clammy reply and also solve my issue. After 2 hours of intense conversation, he said one last thing “I know you love planning and making life better, but life doesn’t work that way. Every day is a war. All you need to do is try to live for today and most importantly you decide, do you want to cry every day thinking what will happen or do you want to just cry that day when things go to where it eventually has to go”

That hit me hard, so hard and heavy. And whatever he said was the absolute truth. I know one day someone will break my heart, make me cry. But why am I crying for that every day? If he has to happen to my life he will, if not he will not.

Yes, it is a hard reality for a planner like Me/Ross. But the reality is I need to live in the present than the unsure future. All my life I have been told that planning is the only thing that will keep things sane. But no one told me even when unplanned things will go in a good direction. I didn’t plan to fall in love with a guy for 10 years. But after I fell in love with him I did plan for us to stay together, even though that didn’t happen, he happens to be my really good friend. I didn’t plan to leave the country, but my situation was so worst, at one point in my life all I wanted to do was to run to some country. So I planned to come to Canada. When I downloaded the dating application I didn’t plan on sticking to one guy, but now I’m in the lines of more than like but less than love for him.

I did plan on inviting him home but never planned on having an emotional bond. So when I know there are so many unplanned good things that are actually happening for me. Why am I being just getting worried about the few planned things?

And I also know there will be days that I will just again be in that pool of tears. But this article is just like a reminder for me to live in my present. They say when your write something down it will stick to you more than running it over and over in your head. So here I am putting all my thought into words.

“My past and my future depends on today.” — Trevor Hall, Origami Crane

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Former Fashion Designer, part-time Chef, and an amateur writer, who loves to explore every topic and trying to read as many books, before I die.

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Ankita Kumar

Ankita Kumar

Former Fashion Designer, part-time Chef, and an amateur writer, who loves to explore every topic and trying to read as many books, before I die.

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