“SEX” hot topic for a woman in her 30's.!

A forbidden word for most of them.

I have been married once, but never actually slept with my ex-husband. The reason behind it is, his ego.! Yes that male ego that wanted me to surrender myself to him.

Men are just of two types sometimes, who want sex and obediently ask for it. The other one is who has his ego up so high that he thinks every woman is dying to sleep with him.

The fact that they forget to understand that women can stay on a dry spell for years, but they cannot will still not get their bloody ego down.

Sex is the biggest taboo in India. When a woman boldly speaks about it or even asks for more they are considered cheap or perverted. But these rules do not apply to men when they want the same.

It is the same pleasure for both parties. If you don’t know how to have fun with the other person don’t blame just one of them. I have so many of my girlfriends who are married and complain to me that their husbands are so boring even in bed. One of them even told me “He just bloody wants to finish ASAP”. If that was the case then I think these men should have just married their right hand and not a woman.

India is big in culture, very proudly talk about how they respect women and how we pray woman goddess. But we lack back in teaching a woman to also enjoy sex as equally as a man. The education is so stuck back in 1947, all they teach in school is the ancient history and forget about “sex education”. Half the world population in India is increasing because they don’t know that the “Condom” exists. So from such a crowd expecting women to be more vocal about their sexuality is like a joke.

Even I was one of those people who knew nothing about sex. Thanks to my ex-boyfriend who bared me for being that stupid. And also thanks to 50 shades of grey books which made me think bolder.

Learning and growing in life just doesn't mean that you grow through your career and make more money, but also learn to understand your pleasure and sexuality.

Compared to a man, I think women have a higher sex drive. No, this does not mean sex is on our minds 24/7. But we tend to think we like something romantic, the truth is we love experimenting.

My granny always told me that I should have gotten married by my early 20. And I asked her once why she kept stressing about “a girl marrying in her early 20's?” Her answer was simple, “Men get bored so fast, so if you don't keep them entertained correctly at the appropriate age they tend to look for other means”. This is true in so many ways.

I’m not putting any men at fault. But a man’s brain moves towards sex in a very early age, but vice versa for women. But do you think this affects the marriage or sex life?

Yes, It does. I have friends who have been married in their early 20’s and had a child by the late ’20s. In the case of my girlfriends, they love the whole sex part now in their early 30’s whereas my guy-friends were the other way round. I have even seen incidence where my guy friends have cheated on their wives just because they are so involved in family life.

And that's the breaking point. “The cheating”, is a massive topic. But definitely discussion for another day.

Getting back to the point, recently I and my roommate were discussing things and when the topic of sex came up we both had so many things in common, not just the good part even the turn-off things men have done in the past. That made me realize sometimes even though we cannot talk so many things or convert thoughts to men we enjoy sex more than men, we crave more than them.

So do we think all men can and will understand our thoughts and consider them? maybe out of 100%. 2% of these guys would be under this list. I know I say this a lot. But trust me having this kind of discussion with Indian men will be funny and tricky. Two things can happen in this situation.

Number one, they will love the idea of you being so bold and vocal about your thoughts and trying to experiment things with you, or number two think like every other nut headed Indian they will think that you are a wicked brain girl, not fit to be his wife nor anyone’s wife and desperate for sex.

And this is also one of the main reasons for girls like me who have been through shit and never want to find one more Indian guy who has a judgment mind.

My understanding of this topic is simple. If you as a man have enjoyed sex, there is no harm in teaching the woman or making her understand her pleasures as well. Growth in a relationship doesn't mean buying a house or living together it also means understanding her through and to be bold enough to express your thoughts too. No one is born with all these skills or thoughts, as we grow we learn them, so be a good teacher and also a good student.

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Ankita Kumar

Ankita Kumar

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Former Fashion Designer, part-time Chef, and an amateur writer, who loves to explore every topic and trying to read as many books, before I die.