How to disconnect with the guy you are still sleeping with.

No strings attached

Attachment is one of a kind emotion. The emotion that so many people do not what to have or show. We all want things that we can never have. What makes us feel that need of having people we cannot be with?

I heard this quote in a movie, “You didn't fall in love with me, you fell in love with yourself who you were when you are with me”.

And that made so much more sense to me. We love ourselves when we are surrounded by people we love. I love myself when I have my mother and sister. Maybe because they bring the best and worst version of me.

What makes us better humans? What makes us happy? What makes us feel good about ourselves, sometimes happens when we are with the wrong person. We all take the support of another human being to make ourselves feel what we are. But have you ever had that moment where you have thought yourself that I could be this person with or without the human who I have been taking support of?

I have always been told a human falls in love three times in his life. First is the teen love, the innocent and unconditional love. Second is the love that comes when you're still trying to figure out what you what in life and someone randomly knocks on the door and comes in even without an invitation. The third is the mature and unexceptional love that sticks with you makes you love yourself and give meaning to the “let us grow old together” kind of love.

And each time you go through all of this three things are bound to happen. Happiness, Pain, and confusion. I would say this is a cycle. A cycle that all of us go through. We either conclude we will be able to love again or we built up a tougher wall so people don’t have to see our emotional side.

Let me tell you how I put away a ten-year relationship and moved to another country without thinking twice.

Phase one: Happiness

He made me happy. I was missing something in life. He made me feel I was complete when he was around me. We didn’t go on luxurious vacations or expensive dates. We simply had coffee every time we met. Spoke about politics, spoke about how crazy our families are told each other good night and good morning every day. How we wanted to start a business or a restaurant together. And we did all of it. Knowing what we had in the future, happiness is all I have carried with me to this new country I'm in. Even if I think hard all those sad and painful moments have passed by me.

Phase Two: Unexpecting

Yes, the expectation is something that could ruin every moment of our life. But why wouldn’t it ruin when growing up all we have been told is to expect happiness and never a sad moment from someone you love. We expect them never to be mean or become a critic. Here is the truth, the more you have been told the truth and able to digest it is when you get stronger. Yes, it hurts like a motherclucker. Also lets you realize that nothing in the future can break you. The purest form of love is what we get from our mother with no expectation. If you could have the same love for someone with zero expectations, that is when you will be able to get out of any relationship.

Have you ever been offended by a stranger’s words? We always are offended or hurt when someone we adore and admire says anything harsh.

And why is that?

That’s because we only expect them to say good things, nice things to us. So is it a bad thing? The only bad thing here is the expectation.

Phase Three: To always love yourself

I could say most of us are blessed to have parents and a childhood to remember. As a child, I loved summers, the time when my parents used to take me out every evening for ice cream and street food. Until we all grew up and started worrying about money, house, cars, and people. That was the time we didn't care about anything but to play enjoy the afternoon naps and enjoy the food our mothers made for us. All of us want to go back to those days, and the only reason is that we loved that version of ourselves. We loved the way we live, we loved the people around us, we loved ourselves more than anything or anyone in this world.

We all talk about how we got into this and some of us even have certain steps or solutions to get out of this. How far do you think it works? Nothing ever works until you decide you want to let go of things. And it is not just a relationship, it could be anything like cigarettes, alcohol, or a human that meant so much to you.

So here is the phase we all miss and do not talk about,

Phase Four: Let go of for good or bad

As easy it sounds, it is the hardest thing to do. Letting go of things. We feel like death inside when we let go of things. I lost my grandmother when I was in my teen. She was the lady who took care of me most of my life. When she died I wasn’t able to really understand if it was real or just a dream. By the time it hit my brain she was all ashes. She would have been the happiest person if had seen me move to another country. She would adore me for all my accomplishments. But she is gone. Nothing can ever fill that void. At the same time, nothing can ever take all the happiest moments I had with her. Just like I let go of her and her ashes. I let go of all that sadness and pain that one person gave me. All I hold back is the happy memories.

I know I’m not the person to speak about how to deal with breakups. This is was just my experience and the outcome of it. One important thing I did even after this massive heartbreak I had, was to live my life to the fullest. If a man or woman could let go a kind and beautiful heart like mine. I think I deserve better. So do all the people who are going through it right now.

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Ankita Kumar

Ankita Kumar

Former Fashion Designer, part-time Chef, and an amateur writer, who loves to explore every topic and trying to read as many books, before I die.