Breaking the Nutshell
Life is all about shells. We grow in a shell, that is protected by our mothers. But how many of us do you really think truly come out of it?
A few days back when I was trying to watch something on Netflix I came across a documentary on the teenage brain. They are told to behave like adults but treated like kids. And that got me thinking and reminded me of how I was being treated when I was a teenager.
Honestly, my teenage was a very blur and dull phase of my life. Even though I wanted to pursue fashion designing I was forced to take a subject I never really like or was very good at. Hence, I failed, which ultimately made me feel like I could do nothing in my life. I was on verge of suicide. Thankfully I didn't have the courage nor want anyone to have the courage to take away their life.
When you are a teenager, everyone around you tends to give you advice. At the age of 16 or 17, we have very little knowledge of things or life. As we grow, make mistakes, learn from them and make the right decisions for us. Not all the advice is bad, that doesn't mean it works on everyone.
My parents always told me by choosing the science or mathematical field as my career. I would make my life easier in the present and my future.
That is not what I wanted.
They were trying to push me into doing something that they were not able to do when they were a teenager. And completely forgot that it was my decision at the end of the day to choose something that made me happy.
When I went against it, I became that disrespectful teenager who never wants to follow her parent's words.
No.! This is completely a wrong way of understanding the situation.
Any child at any age will always listen to their parents. But as parents, they forget to understand that the child too has the right of choosing their life or career. There can be mistakes on either of the sides, but the outcome of it should be that we learn something from it instead of playing the blame game.
A teenager's behavioral change doesn’t happen overnight, this happens from years and years of unresolved feelings being pushed inside.
When I was in the fifth grade, I had a teacher who used to hate me for some reason. She loved picking up on me. The tiniest mistake I would have been given the harshest punishment. She didn’t stop at that, she loved insulting me in front of the class and embarrassing me. I was so frustrated that I used to cry every other day to my parents that I didn’t like going to school.
Even after I changed school, I used to be very scared of the new teachers. I hardly made any new friends. Even though I was an extrovert since my birth. I became that quiet person until my teen years. The new school was also not much of help. The minute I entered college, I was told not to make guy friends or not to stay out after my lectures were done. Until a time I followed all this, but one day I felt like I was just living a life of a robot.
Get up in the morning, get ready for college, come back from college, do your college work, and then go back to sleep. Back then a college-going girl having a cellphone was a huge crime in India.
I finally realized whatever I was doing is just making my parents happy and not me. At that very minute, I wanted to just run so far away from everything. Then I became that rebel kid, who hardly ever listen to anything or anyone. I started doing things that made me happy. Even though some of the decisions were the biggest mistakes of my life. I have learned my lessons from it.
So are my parents happy with what I’m doing today?
No, or maybe they are. But this doesn’t mean they have stopped advising me or yelling at me. I sometimes regret that I have caused a lot of drama in my teenage.
But that's all worth it. If I was that same old obedient child they wanted me to be, I would have just been someone’s wife doing nothing in life, had a kid or two by now, and charting on how I and my husband can make our kids work on the dreams that we didn’t have the balls to follow.
I’m not a parent, maybe I might never be a good parent. But I will be a sane human who understands in letting her child follow their dreams and passion and definitely not judging them in their teen years and putting them under surveillance.